what have i become? like genuinely. i feel like i lost a part of me somewhere
i'm so conflicted. check? not check? i gave in earlier and spent a good few hours with discord open. found a lovely server with lovely people in it.
i want to check that server. i really do i'm not gonna lie. but i shouldn't. but do they care that i shouldn't? do i just lie about my big hiatus and secretly talk to people?
ugh i really dont like where this is going. i might end up like those people who have so many problems that they only talk to themselves and no one else, and everyone else sees them as just a liability or a problem or just someone to plainly IGNORE.
...it's just a feeling though. no one cares. i can push through it. i can be mature for once. just. stay away. stay away.